Someone stop me!!

Jessica pregnant with second child, Jake, 2007.

In a wild and crazy attempt to multi-task (list to follow) I have injured myself, again. I would post the picture of my boiling water induced burn, but my belly button took a lot of the "heat" (seeing as how it would win me the photo finish of any race). No matter how I try to crop the photo it just looks gross. So, no picture.

This is how it went down.

I was . . .

a) making lasagna
b) making chicken noodle soup
c) trying to balance a 3 year old helper (in plastic princess shoes) on a chair while she watched Lion King over her shoulder
d) talking to my mother-in-law on my husband's super expensive (yet total piece of junk) cell phone.

This is not multiple choice. I was doing all of the above. I was specifically in motion of draining noodles for the soup into an already full sink of other prep items, and saying good-bye to my mother-in-law when I pulled the noodles too fast and the boiling water got me. It left me with a 3 inch burn on my tummy.

Excuse me while I bathe the dog.

I meant to actually take Buzz Lightyear to get him bathed, but I couldn't find his leash. I wasn't about to wrestle/ chase him through the Petzmart, so I bathed him here. I was going to have to clean the floors today anyway. Black dog + white bathroom = yuck.

So if you need me I'll be scrubbing. I will also be washing the clothes I had on five minutes ago, because that exactly how caught up I am on laundry. I also have lasagna and chicken noodle soup (homemade) if you're hungry. I don't know if It's good because I lost my appetite after my scalding.

Giraffe Tanning

Jessica pregnant with second child, Jake in 2007.

Between my sister-in-law's pre-wedding hoopla and the relocation of my place employment, my free time has been used for, well, sleep. Now with the move behind me (Grand opening 7/7/7) and the wedding a distant memory (also 7/7/7) I can now turn my attention to the lighter side of life, namely myspace and television.

In regards to the wedding, I have a bit of information to pass along. If you are in a "condition" such a mine, or if you have issues with spending some quality time in a fake-n-bake machine getting some much needed pigment, then you might turn to one of the many self-tanning products on the market today. As mentioned in a previous blog (with picture) I have some problems blending (mostly because I am impatient). After a three day search for any one who would professionally spray me a tan, I discovered that all professional sprayers we out of town for the Fourth of July week (note week, not weekend). After boohoo-ing my troubles to Lynn, she refered me to a new product on the market. It was a foam (the company shall remain nameless, not because I fear being sued, but because I can't spell it and I'm too lazy to get up and look. okay?). It goes on brown so you can see where it needs additional blending. Twas lovely if I do say so. So, you have instant tan that builds. I suppose I should note my giggle at it's little warning. The instant part of the tan would surely wash off if I were to go swimming after I put it on. Ha ha foam, I will not be swimming, no worries.

Ding dong, the wedding day arrives, and I have been working on my instant-build-a-foam tan for three days, and I am looking quite... tanner... I don't know, whatever. It was great. We had a lot to do wedding day. We had a ribbon cutting ceremony at the Sonoma then a brunch then hair then make-up then pictures, etc. Well when I went out that morning to start the festivities (after getting my self tan and straight-haired gorgeous) I noticed something strange. Now if you aren't from Alabama then you might not know that we shower with buckets to catch our water, just so we can get up at 4 in the morning to water our lawns, because we are in a Stage 3 drought. This is the reason rain seemed so strange. It wasn't a real rain though. No need for panic. Well except for the fact that this went on ALL DAY. After getting in and out of my car a hundred times it made my instant-build-a-foam tan change my skin coloring to something that curiously resembled a giraffe. All I can do is hope that my in-laws were to busy worrying about wedding whatnot and whether or not I could keep my flower girl under control to notice my brown camouflage type skin. But that's what I'm here for ladies and gentlemen, to screw up self tanning so you don't have to.

I did have another bout with my addiction as well. After falling off the wagon, the road to recovery has been a long one. Especially when my husband thinks it's funny. Yes. He bought me Pringles. He had the nerve to ask me to save him some. Well after about 10 seconds and half a can later I found the inner strength that only God himself can provide and I slammed on the top and took them to my husband with strict orders to hide them if he felt he could not finish them. The very next day I was tearing his office apart as if I was looking for a mistress. I didn't find them, and I'm glad.

I will leave you with this. If you aren't already watching Flight of the Conchords on HBO then get on it now. I've seen them on comedy central, but they have a sort of sitcom now. The video is messed up at the beginning, so be patient. If you've ever been in love, this is for you.